Being the optimist that I am, I always try to look at all of the positives of a situation. Let’s take marriage. I am positive that this one is the last marriage I will have in this lifetime.
My husband and I each have been married before. No children from either previous marriage and I think that is why even talking about our first marriages is like talking about totally different lives. There is no contact at all and each of our ex’s live in different parts of the country so it isn’t like we are going to run into them at dinner or the movies. We have told our boys about our previous marriages and it is almost as if they don’t believe us because at no time during their lives did they ever really hear about there being other people in our lives.
Now, my current hubby is a good man. We have our issues, and I would describe our situation as opposites attracting but for the most part, we do get along just fine. I think we both were a tad concerned right before we became empty-nesters; I mean we really didn’t have a lot of alone time with each other before our kids came into the picture. In fact, our entire marriage had revolved around the kids and without them in between us, taking up so much time and space, neither of us knew if we would be able to tolerate each other. We can and we do. So that is a good thing.
I am not saying everyone should get a divorce, but I am saying that anyone who has been divorced has the opportunity to learn from what went wrong the first time and do it right on the second try. I honestly feel that that first run for both of us has helped a lot.
Now, what about those people that are on their third or fourth try? First of all, I will give them credit for not giving up. Like I said to begin with if something should happen to go wrong on this attempt, I am done. I would realize that marriage and I do not mix well. Call me a quitter all you want but I just wouldn’t have the stamina to build that kind of relationship again in life.
And I tell ya, this line of thinking does go along with my early dating pattern. I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends. I mean, I had a few but I never was of the thinking that I had to have someone in my life at all times. And with a few of those, I was a maniac. I was a horrible girlfriend and I used those young men. Yes, I am smiling as I write this. Those guys are just fine. And I can bet they aren’t the least bit scarred by my “using” them.
But to me, dating was really just the precursor to marriage. And judging from the failure of my first marriage you can tell that I didn’t do the dating thing that well. You see, everything just leads to something else. How much you screw up can only help with your next level.
Such an optimist!
The Bad Example 