Whenever I was growing up, I didn’t really think much about what I wanted to be in life. In high school, I enjoyed drama class and loved being in our school plays. But I don’t ever remember having the urge to strike out for Hollywood and try my hand at being a celebrity. Listen to me, I sound like if I would have bought that bus ticket, Steven Spielberg would have met me at the bus station himself and taken me right to the studio!
But in truth, I guess I have never really seen the draw of being a celebrity. And I owe this to my huge sense of insecurity. Who would have thought that this would have come in handy one day? As I have said before, even when I feel I have looked my best, I still have worried about so many other things in my life. Don’t even try to point a camera in my direction. I have come to realize that some people are just not photogenic, and I belong to that club.
I bring this topic up because I was looking at a website the other day that announced that Val Kilmer had just signed on to the new Top Gun sequel. The picture that they published along with the story stopped me in my tracks. My heart went out to Mr. Kilmer. I am not sure if he was okay with that photo or not but to me, he looked tired, old, puffy and caught off guard. I always think it is funny to catch my sister-in-law off guard when she is putting something in her mouth and to take a picture of it. She is hilarious that way, but besides sharing it between the immediate family it is never put out there for public consumption. I would never be able to stay sane in the world of Hollywood where a person’s looks, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman, are so important.
Staging sightings for the press and making up relationships to promote movies, who does that shit in real life? That would be like me and my hubby having someone contact our local paper to be available to have a photographer ready to take an impromptu pic of us as we exited the local Kroger grocery store. Imagine my embarrassment to open up the morning edition and see a large color picture of us with our groceries and the extra soft and plush toilet paper bundle that we needed to wipe our butts with. It does always crack me up that any paparazzi photos that are taken of celebrities in grocery stores only catch them buying wholesome, organically grown vegetables. Never any of the real shit that you need at home, like Windex, Cheez-its and our prescriptions of Xanax. Anyhoo …
I just don’t think I would have enjoyed all of the attention that I would have had to put into all of the attention that comes with being a celebrity. And I am not just talking about the physical side. Think of the horrible mental anguish that these celebrities go through so often when a movie tanks or their series is canceled. That is a big blow to their ego. At my home or work, when I screw something up, I usually call my best friend Mindy and she makes me feel like it was everyone else’s fault and I get over it. What if I would have starred in Jaws: The Revenge? I don’t think even Mindy could have helped in that situation. When every one of a person’s flaws is out there for people to judge and pass on – well, it takes a bigger person than me to keep doing that in life.
All of this, plus, I just have to admit it. I would really have been a movie star slut. I mean, come on, there is no way that I would not have slept with every one of my leading male co-stars like Keanu Reeves and Chris Hemsworth. I would have had that little ditty written into my contract!